they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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