Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
