I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
