so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
