He kissed a someone with a penis
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
