I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
