chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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