once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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