3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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