he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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