I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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