yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
