If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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