would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I can text with my tongue
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
did i walk over a car last night?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
