OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
