So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
They are going to name an STD after you.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
