yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
