Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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