Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
