People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
