That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
