I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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