does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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