Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
