I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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