; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
