They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
