So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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