absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
