I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
