Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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