Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
