The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
