yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
