I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
