I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
