Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
