where am i from again
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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