I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
