thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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