Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
