Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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