i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
