My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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