I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
