I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
