Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
