I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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