Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
