There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
