you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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