He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
