Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
