i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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