The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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